I realised I have so much to work on in my life. This blog is for you who are already a parent and feel like you are not doing enough. As for me, I decided 16th October 2024 , I am officially a single mother. My son have not heard from his father for far too long. I feel speechless. I know where he lives and got his phone number but why should I remind him to reach out to his own son. My gut scream :
I have to change my life and currently I am unhappy with how some areas of my life are going anyways. This start with me admitting, everything is my fault. This makes me gain my power back and I am in complete control.
First thing first what do I need to change if I don’t know what is it I am doing “wrong”??
What is it I am unhappy about?
Financially
I am currently working two part time job. I am working as a freelance personal trainer and service crew in a restaurant. One pays more than the other but I hate it more than the lower income one. What is it I hate about personal training? The need to be talking all the time for engagement between me and my clients. I can’t seem to hype or motivate them anymore. I feel lack of energy after I am done with each session. This cause me not to put any effort.
I dislike the idea of talking to people
Does the idea of leaving career excites me? Yes it really excites me. I feel relief with this idea. This is another question you can ask yourself if you are thinking to leave something, someone or even a job.
FOCUS
I have to admit I am scattered in terms of what I do for living. I have 2 part time jobs because I was competing in boxing this year. I am unhappy doing both part time job. I have been feeling scattered for past 2years. I feel so lost and uncertain with choices I make. So I work random jobs which cause me to be more scattered. Somehow it soothes me in my head temporary. The idea of just working to work kills my soul but it pays some of my bills.
At the same time I ask myself what do I actually enjoy doing with least amount of effort?
I love writing, boxing, going to the gym, singing. In general I love creating. All these feels like least amount effort and I do all with least amount effort.
I can narrow down what I actually love doing versus what I think can make money or get something in return.
BOXING & GYM
I love boxing and muscle building for myself. Nutrition. Definitely not coaching people to do it. It is not where I feel lit up. Ideas? I can talk about how I train, what I eat and post it, maybe? These are all ideas. Here is my short Youtube of my mitt work with my coach
WRITING
Next, I love writing. I love writing about single women thoughts, general topics, taboo topics. I been writing blogs about boxing, music. I don’t feel lit up writing long products reviews.
SINGING
Next I love singing. I have a blog about music but I have not been writing. Maybe I would love to perform in front of audience. I do too have a lot of ideas for this blog. I discovered so much about music industry, different microphones, singing courses, different platform places artist can showcase their music.
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I have to stop working just to pay bills. I was stuck in my circle of friends who generally have no value to give to others. Then I remember changing my attitude towards work while I was a waitress and how I present myself to others. I started to get more tips and get into better relationship.
I have to leave my “old identity” behind
My soul needs death in order to gain new life
I heard that qoute from somewhere. I have to show up as a new person. Like completely change! As soon I heard this qoute, my body feels a sense of relief.
I am going to pick on writing and boxing as my craft because both makes me feel alive. Everyday I will work on it but not till I reached burnout or working. Once I experience anxiety or overwhelmed I will back off and focus on rest. Resting could be spending time with my son, watch movie, catch up with some friends.
I am going to focus next 6months. wait.. I AM FOCUS FOR NEXT 6months. Shout out to Jenna Zoe who teaches Human Design , her podcast on Spotify with David Ghiyam who teaches Kabbalah makes me thirsty to be on this spiritual journey. It just somehow “click”
Is there any part of your life you feel frustrated about? I know I am not alone. Have you been hiding by avoiding the real questions like I did? comment below.
