Exactly how to create boundaries
Why am I writing about this? I have been asked many times how I am able to feel more “free” in my mind despite having challenges. I did not have to wonder because I know exactly what I have been doing. I had to say no more often. I thought that everything external affects our choices first. I blame it on family or even friends or bosses. Then I realised everything inside ourselves will manifest outside.
Everything starts with our own self. Most families have dramas, mine is not any different. I thought this is normal but here is the hard truth, what is normal doesn’t mean it is good for you. Burnout and no direction has caused me not knowing exactly where to go in terms of my career and makes me finally realise I need to say NO to opportunities that don’t help me. So not having clear intentions makes it harder to say NO.
There are 3 major external factor, I notice and wish someone told me earlier.
YOUR TRUTH
I struggle saying the truth in some parts of my life. For example, if I don’t know something I pretend to say something without facts. Instead of just saying I am not sure because I don’t want to look like I am not confident enough. Are you like this? I say no more to opportunities that don’t allow me to grow. For example if someone wants to engage pt; I will think about it because I will ask if this helps with more opportunities or not or align with what I want to do or not. At the same time, this can help me financially. I feel like this creates neediness. I am good at some areas of my life but some are not so yet. The one that keeps coming up is the one that I am not good at which I need to work on. For example when it comes to income or finance I equate it to hard work and harder routes which is not true. I know a lot of hardworking people who are miserable. I should have just thought about it like vibration, energy. If I enjoy what I do then I won’t feel miserable doing it.
PEOPLE PLEASER
I grew up angry but now I realise my opinion was being ignored most of the time. So pleasing people was my way of getting others to listen to me or at least agreeing with them in different ways so I feel included or fit in. This happens in all my relationships and I am done being people pleaser. Here are few examples I am a people pleaser
- Going to places, events that I hate to be in
- Agreeing to expensive lunch or even any meals that it hurts my budget
- Not ending conversation when I knew I had limited time for socializing.
- Going for impromptu with clients when I have a lot of things going on.
GIVER
I am so guilty of being an over giver in some areas of my life. It gets me exhausted and resentful towards the other person. Small examples:
- If someone asks for a favor. I would just go through leaps and bounds for them instead of just saying I am a little bit busy now, can I get back to you on this?
- Even small things like borrowing hand sanitizer , tissue and hair band when I know I only have a limited amount for myself, I would still give them regret later.
- Giving advice knowing and knowing they will not do anything about it. They are not ready to received it yet at that time
- Giving my time when I could be working on my projects and follow up work.
In order to create more boundaries, I notice I have to do more personally so it helps “cleanse” my soul. Here is what I am going to do or plan to do. Small steps I have to take to create boundaries within myself first.
Saying NO to the clients I don’t enjoy coaching
Saying NO to the food that is not good for us
Saying NO to low income job
Saying NO to sleeping late
Saying NO to dirty environment which what I don’t want to experience (dirty environment means dirty mind and soul)
This is why I am always in chronic stress mode. My body is in high cortisol because of always saying yes to things that don’t matter to me. As much as I want to say yes to going out, etc. I am actually not supposed to be spontaneous according to my astrologer. I realise saying no is more of a sense of self respect for myself. This way I can stay more aligned. All the 3 behaviors have caused me to resent people and also make me lack confidence in what I want to do because I spend so much time giving my energy away in small ways that I can use and save it for my own work like learning a new skill, working on getting my driving licenses, doing deep cleaning in my apartment or part of my bedroom and even spending time with my son.
Do you need to create boundaries in your life so you can get back on track and elevate yourself more so you can receive things you deserve to have? Does any part of this blog resonate with you? Share with me your experience, I would love to know.
Learning to say no is very important not only to keep your boundaries, but even for morals. When I used to work in banking I had to say no to even very important people. Now I say no to jobs that I don’t like, to situations I don’t enjoy. I even block people who don’t bring me anything in this life since I am not in that vibration to be a people-pleaser anymore. Let’s continue to say no and to choose ourselves everyday!
My morals used to be down when I say yes alot. I feel like I don’t have my own integrity.
Setting boundaries is essential for protecting our mental and emotional well-being. I’ve realized that saying no isn’t about being difficulties it’s about self-respect. For years, I struggled with people-pleasing, over-giving, and taking on things that didn’t align with my goals. But I’ve learned that true freedom comes from prioritizing what truly matters. When we set clear boundaries, we create space for growth, peace, and the things we actually deserve. Does this resonate with you? How do you handle setting boundaries in your life?
Yes this does resonate with me. “the things we actually deserve” which something I still want to work on. First start is to be self aware and catch myself when I have to second guess if this situation helps me or not. I use to say yes to everything then I feel low after that. Now I think about “does this help me with what I really want to do?”