My ex kick my face so hard that my head whiplash, back of my head hit my mom wardrobe.. The next second I saw white light and i was out for a good 5 seconds I think? I mean i can’t be so sure how long it was but it was less than 1 minute. My life did flash in front of me, literally.
This is only one of the many times I was physically abused.
It has been more than 20years. I thought I forgive and somehow memories fade away (finger crossed) but memories imprint itself on my mind. I felt a deep betrayal and deeply hurt.
I forgive but my body somehow only remembers how the people you love CAN hurt you this far.
Took me less than 3 min to decide I was done with that relationship.
What triggers me now to write about it is because who know me now was surprised how strong and confident I am
Now I am by product of my decision back then to show myself self respect despite the fear he might hit me again or worst show up where I work, he did by the way….
No father to protect me
No male figure to help me out
NADA
I remember telling myself how much loving my son also means protecting myself and making sure I show him not to be bullied or let anyone hurt you this way.
Getting out of this kind of relationship is hard.
Deciding to be over it is hard too
But what is harder is letting myself feel so small that I can’t recognize myself
Some women who are in this situation always say to me
I wish I am strong as you
I want to be as strong as you
Wishing for something is slow death girl ….
You must decide to choose you.
Remember another day or moment you stay, you might not be alive.
I remember watching for exit (jumping down window) one ex even hide the main door key
I did not pray, I said this to my head “do everything to get out even if it cause my last breath”
If you are reading this and going through this phase, decide and make it permanent to your heart and mind to get out.
Never look back, change your environment is the next step you need.
It has been 20years, and I am now free. These types of men have never been in my radar because I did so much work believing and having faith I will always be in a good relationship that also serves my self respect.
Tag me anything about this on my social IG: kartini.belle
I appreciate you for taking your time to read this.
